This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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