Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I intend to get homeless drunk
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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