wake up i wanna do it froggy style
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
