clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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