Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
