I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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