you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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