God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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