You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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