I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
