you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
