I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
