They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
