I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
