party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
