If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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