i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
