i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Randomize
