I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
