There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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