If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
