Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just cut my nipple shaving
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm really busy with my period
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