Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
