Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
