Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
