WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
