No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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