"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
