i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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