I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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