i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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