I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
