I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
