We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I am available for nakedness
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
