i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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