You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
This is my gift to your gina
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
