I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
