She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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