let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
