We won't sleep together?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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