I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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