If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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