so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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