Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
my sisters under your porch take her home
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
