Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
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