I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
