my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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