fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
