if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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