All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
