can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
