If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
