wat bout pragnant strippers??
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
