He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
