as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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