I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
