How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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