No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
