the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
