OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
