Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
