I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
