The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
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