Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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