So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
