you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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