is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
