I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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