I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
