What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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