So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
