how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
