Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize