a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
