I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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