She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize