He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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