i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
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