If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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